The Fall: The Dissenter Files

It had been revealed that Anubis was in fact the son of Dolus… Lina, trying to recover from the loss of Anubis quickens her pace as her search for the father of her forbidden love becomes more desperate…

I do not own this image

The sound of my voice reminds me, that it has long since been heard…

I tell my story in shambles that resemble my life and my mind. One snap short of destruction, one snap short of ending everything.

They say “powerful females” but what they really mean are the ones they desire not the ones who stand up to their chaotic ways. Lingering with the toxic only poisons your character and awakens weakness, weakness my friend is brewing within us all the time, you need only falter in order for it to consume you!

Preying on the weak? Is that really and truly how the lesser kind find justice for their awkward existence? It’s not the weak they prey on, it’s the strong, the peaceful and the ones with clarity and certainty…if you have that you have everything to lose…they will never attain it and so they seek to destroy it.

There is a power in knowing who you are and what you stand for, fighting till the last breath but knowing when to run…run, not to escape, but to regroup. I never felt that way, until I saw him laying ahead of me, if I didn’t avenge him, no one would.

Artemis handed me the ‘Pendant of Peace and Restoration’, whispering what felt like a final goodbye, she said that it would breathe hope and clarity to whomever needed it.

Artemis was trying to tell me something, her bond to Dolus kept her trapped, bound to his will always and forever. Ensnared by his malicious intent, Artemis lost herself in his charms and promises of a bright and beautiful future! By the time she realized he sought to dim her light and use her shine for evil, she had already pledged her allegiance, and there was no going back.

The pendant gave me clarity, but it gave me no hope. Love was not hopeful, love was a weapon, used by those who sought power, but lacked courage. Confronting your own worthlessness is something only the brave do! One can attain their worth, not have it handed to them…

Anubis…my love…my foe…my downfall

The only son of Dolus and heir to his kingdom of darkness. Possessing the triad of darkness Anubis was the perfect candidate to not only counter me, but to unravel me!

How stupid I had been!! Trusting, hoping and believing that letting him into my field would save him, and perhaps…

No! I never needed anything, never wanted it at all! Swooping in and playing the role so well! Why me? What did they want, why were they seeking me out?!

Someone who had been destroyed by their chaos would become obsessed with knowing why…the desperation to seek them out would only further add to their amusement…

But I had not yet been destroyed…and in that moment I realized…they were seeking out what I had all along…peace.

I’ll never fully know the entire story and I know now that I no longer need to. Hearts are muscles and they do stay strong. I am no longer seeking that which is seeking me, the law of attraction can trap us into attracting what needs us most…trouble.

Anubis did not die in the snow; Anubis pulled the most theatrical stunt…and more than his theatrics was his belief that I in fact had betrayed HIM…madness runs in the family… “do not unto others and all that Jazz…”

Anubis has long since become a faded scar and I pity him…all he will know is darkness and desperation but he will have daddy to get him through so that they may stroke each other’s desperate egos and give the validation they need in order to breathe.

Seeing him for what he was and is…has opened my eyes to the truth about myself…

I am a lone wolf, wild and free, peaceful and fierce in equal parts…I don’t need to tame my demons, they are my guardians.

The War: The Dissenter Files

Written from both perspectives, Lina and Unknown are in the midst of a war…we have no information other than this moment that we find them in…will this reveal who the war is against…or will it at the very least reveal the truth about the characters dynamics…

I do not own this image: stolen from deviant art :kipine

There’s no way to run from this!! This is it, the past has caught up with us…remember what we are fighting for!

“Fighting for?”, Anubis ran towards the battlefield, charging towards his greatest fear, whilst running away from his only love. What were they fighting for?! What had led up to this moment?! All they had to do was turn their backs on the echoes of the shots ringing out…they could change it all…

She would never let them run from destruction, instead she soldiered on towards it, as if it called out, not just to her, but to her worn and shattered soul. Did it make promises of redemption? Did she hope to find some sort of closu…

“Anubis!!!!!!”

You fool! You foolish, distracted creature, I’ll never reach you in time! The snow made it hard to sprint towards his corpse! That’s what it was, a corpse, a split second was all it took to turn his beating heart into a pile of fluff, colder than the ice, but prettier.

The red elixir of hope and future drained out of him at an alarming rate, I may have been running towards life…but I was only handing myself over to the lords of death.

Fight! I will not die! Fight!

I skidded to a halt, snow piling around my feet, creating mounds of safety to mock me as blasts of devastation blew past my head. I could feel the wind blowing strongly against my face, if I had time for a cinematic pose this would be it…but it wasn’t cinematic…and there would be no happy ending!

Anubis lay bleeding out in the snow…at least 2kms away from me, I could be there in three heartbeats, I’d be able to fend of the packs, I would be able to get a closer look at my target…but…

I would be hit…I would be struck down so that I could die with my crimson merging into a pool of chaos with his…for what?!

No! He was gone!

Sometimes the realist moments in life are the ones where you’re afraid, the ones that are filled with nothing but regret and panic. The terror that creeps over your heart and enrobes it’s beating pulse into nothing more than a stifled vibration of worthlessness!

What could be more real than that?! Do we lay the bodies of the ones we love to rest in fields of daisies so that they may die with a delightful fragrance and inhale it as they skip along the lesser traveled road inhaling scents of floral infusions?

No! The dead rest where they lay! Bleeding out into the snow until he drew his last breath, probably as I watched him, even likelier that it was sooner…it was a burial fit for a dead alpha. If it wasn’t…it’s not like he would return to tell me!

I do not own this image!

The blurred vision before him had to have been a side effect of the blow, he could feel the warm blood seeping out around him, being cooled by the snow in a symbiotic effort of delusion.

Why would she leave him?

Had she seen something?! Was this the moment of betrayal, the moment where she sacrificed his life for the sake of her cause! What was her cause?!

All he knew was that she existed…

He remembered nothing, not the smell of home, the ringing of a name, his identity seemed to be draining from him in unison with his blood. He wouldn’t survive out here for much longer.

There was a Woolf tooth pendant hanging around his neck…it meant absolutely nothing to him, but it felt heavier than his incapacitated body. It gleamed, it was the only thing that he could see, and he would have to depend on it as he dragged himself towards something, anything…

He needed to know who she was, and why she had left him for dead!

Dolus paced around, fist tightly clenched with nothing but a string dangling out from between his knuckles. Nothing about him screamed deity, he looked like a scruffy version of a giant that had been left behind.

He felt the warmth of the pendent in his fist…the raise of his left eyebrow was the only mannerism that caused Artemis to become curious as to what knowledge he had stumbled upon.

“Well my dear Artemis…it would appear that my son is in fact alive, and he is searching for that which is searching for me…isn’t this world and it’s chaos a wonder…only in the forest can you create a cyclone of travesty with just two players…”

Artemis fell to the floor…

“His son…”

Lina Rogue: The Dissenter Files

Lina has a heartfelt moment…causing us to question if she really knows who or what she is…

Part 4
I do not own this image!

Some days…not all of them, but some…I would stare off into the distance waiting for him to appear.

The tracks in the snow were always of prints that belonged neither here nor there, but they certainly belonged somewhere. Ours weren’t like that…his and mine…they were so different but they were two of a kind.

Why couldn’t I just let it go? Whatever I was searching for seemed determined to destroy everything I hadn’t even had the chance to love…yet…

Was that what love was? Knowing that you wanted to feel something for it before you even did? I felt the wind the night he ran into me, the wisp of air caressing my face as if to gently warn me of his impending arrival…whilst reminding me that I would not own him, I would not own anything.

To see one, is to know one…and to know one is to have one? Or is it to acknowledge one? I don’t really know, how could I?! Alone from birth, fighting, surviving…breathing, we don’t call what we do living out here, we merely accept that we are the forgotten…and we are the dissenters.

“We cut the ones we love and make them bleed on the knives of our past battles…” Shaman always warned me not to cut my future pack members on the shards of my historical wars.

Artemis always said that my destiny to reignite the flames of dissonance between the heavens and the flames of the forgotten realm would merge directly with my consistent and determined efforts to fall out of line.

It was not falling out of line, I was not trying to stand up to anything, I just refused to fight for nothing! He was something that I would fight for, I would bare my teeth to the world and I would rip them out fang by fang to protect him…from them, from himself…from me…

Sometimes it felt as if Artemis knew more than she would or wanted to share with me! She made no pretense about our bond being one of magic rather than one of friendship, which suited me just fine! I was a lone wolf and I needed no pack. Certainly not one who ran in different circles than I did…

Before the fall, she had already seen it happen…the collision happened before her very eyes, the meeting of fire and ice…I was fiery but he was the furnace, I was the frost that bit when touched…but he was the gentle snow that fell to the icy floor. Had she not seen the toxic romance about to ensue I’d have called her a liar, but she did, and so did Dolus.

In this world you never can quite know of what the awareness is and just how far it extends…Dolus, cursing people from on high…Artemis swearing allegiance to her intakes while pledging vows of solidarity to her rival…

It all became too confusing…

Sometimes, not often, but just sometimes…you find that the thing you had been searching for all along was the thing you pushed so far away…it may as well have been gone forever.

It felt that way…he was never going to return, and truthfully…what would any of this matter if he didn’t…

Lina Rogue: The Dissenter Files

Part 3

Lina divulges the exchange from her first encounter with the Unknown…
I do not own this image!

A master of illusion…

A trickster of the unfathomable…a volatile catalyst destined for putrefaction but settling comfortably into delusions of magnificence instead.

I could be speaking about him…I could be referring to me…I could be talking about you…

So wrapped up in a commodity because that is all I am to you…a precious commodity hell bent on disfiguring the facts that I myself am not completely aware of! Pause for applause as I hold for effect, this dance I maneuver across your theatre floor because my world is your stage!

I have stories to tell, but I cannot write them well, how can I write my own perspective without offering up bias? Have I fallen so far that my only redeeming quality is that I can spin a story faster than he can remember?! Do not forget that you are on this journey alongside me, my discoveries are yours…as are your judgments!

“Whatever you are feeling is happening within…”

The shaman always repeated that to me, as if he had hoped that it would become my mantra. If he had any foresight at the time as to what my path would cross, he never said it, not in any decipherable way at the very least.

He explained how every sensation may have been set of by an external contributor, but that the only factors in the equation were the conductor and the inner receptor that translated the tangible into the intangible…emotion or feeling.

What is the difference? Feelings…emotions…are they not one and the same? Is it not the same as air and breath?

I remembered those words the moment that HE crossed my path! The catalyst for what one would term a psychosis! Being driven into madness by the mere existence of a stranger to life and a prize to all the demons! The witches hunted him not for their brews, they would have him just to toy with! What does that speak of his worth…a mere intermission in everyone’s play.

The wind, the snow, the forest…decay, withering, suffering…we seek that which we know and run from the things that make us feel anything other than familiar…however good or bad it may be. He made me feel…

Familiar.

The word familiar almost traps you into assuming that it is associated with the word “family”…for one that may mean celebration…but for the only one, that may mean failure! A family, a pack…more reasons for you to get killed, more responsibility to ensure insanity!

You judge me for my coolness, I judge you for your sheer lack of individuality and self sufficiency! Why am I to suffer for finding comfort in my imperfection?! It is said amongst the whispers that one who is miserable in his own company should question his company…

“What are you” I snarled.

“A victim…”

“I can see that, is it a prerequisite to confess pathetically?”

“You’re going to be fun…I can tell!”

“You’re boring me!”

That was probably the longest exchange we ever had…he brought heart palpitations as a distraction to his demon tag alongs! I will not do him a disservice by stating whether it was intentional or not…the demons or the distraction…you choose.

The moment that our “red strings of destiny” entwined, a force awakened deep within the history of the forest. This place was my habitat, not his…he wouldn’t protect me, he could barely protect his own ego! Whatever turned the winds whispers into sinister mumbles came with him or for him! I would not let the fact that I could not control the beating of my chest around him inform my instincts!

Destiny may cause your paths to cross…but it is your free will that will tie the knot or break the bond! “Whatever I am feeling is happening within…” he had no control over me, he was like the hot sun, melting my snow into nothing more than rain…He was an element…and however heated the intensity between us grew…

I was still water and I could reform!

Unknown Part 1: The Dissenter Files

An excerpt from the wanderers files. The wanderer lost to the world and to himself.

I do not own the rights to this image!

Is magic not fickle too??

Existing for only so long as the believer believes? Is love any different? Does it exist in any more of a tangible shape or form than the sorcery that rises out of a few whispered chants…

Promising and calling…calling and convincing…convincing and manipulating…

Manipulating matter! Manipulating miracles! Manipulating the very form that you find yourself maneuvering through an indented field of passive searching for nothing!

* That sounded just like her, who was she? The memory I had were of her words, I could hardly recall her shape or form, maybe just her scent. I think she smelled like home, if home had the scent of death.

Stumbling around in the wilderness, I should have just turned around right then and there. The snow covered me, each flake feeling weightier than the last. I wasn’t certain if I would be able to find whatever I was searching for in time.

Who was she? Why didn’t I know? What had we experienced together and why did it matter so much?

Waking up in pool of blood, feelings of regret with no memory other than the overpowering order to find her. “Seek out that which you know but may never see…”

That voice…

I couldn’t tell you who I am or even who I was, I have flashes of heat, visions of the desert sand and a longing for the mystical. This she, something feels like she was, IS, the Nerfertiti to my Akhenaten…

Those names and those peoples…

I didn’t belong here, and that was all that I knew. This was not the land of my soul, I would find no peace here, but if I left, I would never find closure. It is up to the individual to figure out which one is more important to them.

Peace or closure…something about her made me feel as if I could never have both. She would restore my memory the moment I rested my eyes upon her, I would know the ruler of my demise. My heart or whatever was left of it told me so.

But once I found my closure, I would never have peace again…

I felt someone watching me, something familiar, something safer than the howling wind and it’s sinister whispers. It gave me a feeling of safety that I had not long had. I only knew because it felt warm…warmer than my blood, warmer than her fury and warmer than the ordinance placed upon my life.

“Mer Ek”…the wind screeched….”One more time Mer Ek…”

Lina Rogue: The Dissenter Files

Part 2

(I do not own the rights to this image)

Courage…courage is everything…

They say to conquer life you must conquer your fears…but I don’t want to conquer life, I want to live it!

Roaming the woods, wild and free whilst silent and untraceable…if you flinch, you die. Living alone brings about a certain amount of trauma, whilst it allows for a different type of healing.

As the shamans say, balance is everything.

I’ve been seeking balance since the first pup tore my flesh and left me in the snow to die. I woke up to a new kind of world, a world where blood and vengeance were the only bedtime stories. They would have me believe that Lina could be a Luna, but we know a pack leaders mate is just his slave.

If you’ve ever walked amongst the damaged then you would know that they weren’t broken, the only ones who hadn’t healed, were the ones who were still being hunted. If you’re out in the wild you don’t get the liberty of licking your scars under every moon…you heal it and you run on.

The lone wolf is the pack leader, I’m not just a leader, I’m a creator of destiny, forging my path is the only purpose for which I was created. We are all born under a specific sky, mine was under the Dolus star, the star of deceit and trickery…

Predestined to forever forge paths with tricksters and deceivers, determined to steal my hope and convince me that my decisions were too uninformed as if I were ever to make decisions based on the stupidity of their packs! Usurpers of purpose! Betrayers of peace!

I lacked the courage, I lacked the courage to sink my fangs into the pulsing veins bulging from beneath their tangled fur! I could sense their fear! I made friends with their breath as I watched them sleep and prayed for strength to endure their painful antics!

Why would I pray for strength when what I lacked was courage! Why pretend to be a soldier when I was born a warrior! “See her, scurrying away, without family, only with foe, beaten and chased…take pity on her for she will serve us well”. They would whisper amongst themselves as I passed their territory, marking the forests with their scents as heavily as they coated my ears with lies of family and trust.

How would you protect me when I have been protecting you from yourself? So many of you, digging in the dirt, seeking scraps, spitting at me as I caught my prey, only when necessary. Greed is the downfall of many a pack…

Out in the wilderness where the spirits roam wild and free, a huntress is governed by her Moon Deity…

Artemis had chosen me on the very night that Dolus had cursed me with his cunning earth crawlers. It was the yin and yang of the forest dwellers. Destiny had already chosen me as a Rogue for only the Rogues receive a deity…

I had never seen her but she had always cleared my path. She may have led me towards murderers, masters and even skinners, but she never did. Bound to the Moon, she had but one rule, never to cross Dolus and his monsters of deception.

I depended on Artemis to guide my actions and to steer me into the course of peace and harmony. “Whatever you seek is seeking you” she would whisper into the wind.

I was seeking Dolus…I wished to be free from my night sky curse and I would battle the demon for I would not remain under the rule of any man or God.

“Whatever you seek is seeking you…” Dolus chuckled as he stroked his wolf head pendant …

Lina Rogue: The Dissenter Files

A quick note to say that I don’t often dabble in short stories…but I’m trying my hand at a series…and I’d love feedback (that says I’m awesome …I cry Easy). Anyone with art ideas I’d love to see them 😍

Thank you….as you were💖

Her tangled locks sloshed down onto her bare skin as she attempted to free the strands from their own chaos…

Chaos…she despised it…

Why were packs so hell bent on not just seeking chaos, but breeding it?! Just another reason to remain a lone wolf, a hunter and a protector, captor of her own life and defender of the defenseless.

They all turned their backs on her eventually, but why wouldn’t they, she was everything that they could never be, and despite the powers and skills she possessed, the single attribute that they hated most…

Was her ability to be alone!

I stole these I’m sorry 😭

You don’t get to look the devil in the eye and send him to hell if you can’t even stand your own reflection! How many times had she stood in front of the icy waters…beckoning her to end it all with their frozen stabs…or promising her a reflection that would cause her the same fate…demise!

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Lina Rogue … scratching the markings of my name into every single tree is a headache I hardly ever see reward for! Oh shut up, you sound like every other self entitled, pack dependent scoundrel who would lick their own parts before doing anything productive.

That’s kind of the thing about being a rogue…you have conversations, you have varying opinions…but your biggest competition is your self…but your loyalest partner….is your self!

I love humanity…I’m not going to save it…I’ll die trying as is in my blood…but I am no fool and I am aware that before I can ever make a mark important enough for it to create awareness…I’d be so long gone.

Life is about sacrifice; accountability and responsibility! I may not have a pack but all packs are mine! I don’t have to convince you to understand that I gain nothing…but your self absorbed daddy issues will cause your pup brains to convince your mass that I am wrong, so that not only will I be average…I will be rendered as worthless as you.

Bitter much?

Yes!

I hate packs I hate them!!! We’ve only ever let one member in…him and I….our pack of a pair…it was tough but we just knew…

For the first time in my life I needed a wolf by my side, to protect me, keep me safe and never let anything go south.

But he did! So we are done with that….Rogue takes no pups!!

The rule stays simple, your pack will always let you down, you will have to become the only pack you will ever need!!

Rogue Lina: The dissenter Part 1

The Effects Of Trauma

Warning: The following post may contain graphic images (I’m being dramatic, it doesn’t.)

Brown kids everywhere 🤢

Castor oil… if you grew up in any sort of brown (Indian) household, you know exactly why this would fall under trauma. Now I’m not entirely sure if this is something that just South African Indians practice, or if it extends to India…and if this devastating ritual originated there and just got shipped over to Kwa-Zulu Natal.

Either way…let me tell you something, if you know…YOU KNOW!

Let’s start at the beginning…

Trauma is such a massive topic of interest to me, for one, I have experienced what I call mid-level trauma. I don’t believe that it was as severe as it could have been, purely because I experienced it as an adult. However, because I had a pretty perfect childhood, the damage was a little more devastating in a physical sense, manifesting in more dramatic ways.

The older you are and the more equipped you have allowed yourself to be in a psychological context, the higher the chances are of identifying these traumas and more importantly the repercussions that only start to rear it’s troublemaking head, long after the fact.

Apart from my own experiences, most of my closest tribe members have dealt with severe traumas and have had to get on with life as best they can without the opportunity or allowance to either acknowledge or identify some of these traumas.

In the medical community, traumas that are of a physical nature are often dealt with a lot more haste than ones that are psychological. Mental illness has started to take a lot more spotlight in the recent years which sadly is mostly due to great movie scripts and celebrities who “just can’t deal”.

Every second person has either anxiety or depression and a pattern of excuse making has rendered us a pretty worthless generation unable to tell the difference between pouty and depressed because of a chemical imbalance. If that sounds harsh, it’s because it is! If you have been diagnosed with anxiety, I’ll tell you this much: you’re probably too anxious to talk about it, and that’s the truth.

Back to the subject at hand, my thinking is that due to this lack of importance that ones mental traumas are met with, very physical means of exhibiting distress starts to take precedence, ie, self-mutilation, starvation, drug abuse etc

It’s an entirely different subject to discuss how much of this is a cry for attention and how much of it is a serious call to action. I have my thoughts firmly planted on either side of the spectrum, but I generally lean towards the “if it aren’t your shoes that’s stepping, it’s probably wiser to stop guessing”. (Totally just made up that rhyme.)

In today’s society, we would much rather harp on about a picture that was uploaded by a friend where she looked cute and I didn’t…we would rather spend a month feeling “traumatized” by the fact that we received a normal pizza base than the life changing gluten-free one…

How many people are actually stuck on working through that time that they were abused? Or that flashback of witnessing a horrific car crash as a 3 year old? Sometimes the traumas were just things you witnessed but it left an invisible but very present scar! Do we want to focus on that and work through it?

Probably not…

I sat down to oil my hair (brown girl vibes for days), and even though I’ve known about this remedy for decades, I purposefully avoided it because I never wanted to willingly come into contact with Castor Oil! After I convinced myself that I was a grown up and braver than that, I purchased the castor oil and left it in the cupboard out of sight until today.

In front of the mirror, so that I could practice a “fish-braid” because momma never taught me how to do my hair (I love you mom)…I applied a sweet almond oil first, and then reached over for the oil of terror. The only reason I was aware of my reaction at all was because I could see myself, had I been anywhere else I probably would have missed it!

I was trying to open the bottle but my nose was scrunched up so tightly my eyes looked like they had been sealed shut…my lips were pursed together in a fashion that even Meryl Streep would have been proud of…and my arms were so far stretched away from my already turned head…it looked like I was holding a bomb that was about to go off at any second!

None of this was happening with any thought whatsoever behind it…my body was acting entirely out of its own accord (imagine if it did that with like pull ups and stuff but whatevs…)! My body automatically recoiled at the sight of the oil because of how much I hated it.

“That’s hardly a trauma!”

Uhhhh thanks! Until you have your mom holding you down onto a chair while your dad pours what must’ve been at least 10 liters of that icky gooey grossness into your mouth all in the name of a better smelling poo, fine a cleaner digestive system, you have no right to judge me! This was at least every three months, and we dreaded it!

They would trick us and trap us and sometimes beat us in order to get that oil down our throats with the promise of sugar or fresh oranges right after, which only made it worse! Trust me! This was a nightmare that only stopped when I was probably around 15!

The point was, in that moment I had a visual image of what it looked like to see my body respond automatically to history. It took only a second to bring about an awareness of just how often it must happen when someone acts a certain way, when they say something or do something that resonates with an unhealthy part of my heart. How often do I recoil and hold them at a literal arms length because of something my body remembers happening 15 years ago?

The funny part was that whilst I’m sure it was with the best of intentions, no way in heck will I support the use of castor oil as a digestive cleaner! Buy some senna tea! However, using that same demon oil for your hair…completely different purpose and intention…yet still the same negative reaction.

If you can…be aware of how often your nose reaches your eyes in disgust or fear…if you really can…be aware of how many more times someone you care about reacts to your pure intentions in the same way…

It isn’t always just about introspection, it’s also about the fortitude to identify the castor oil in someone else’s life and change your approach to help them better understand the benefits that it may offer.

Thanks for trying to clean out my stomach demons mom and for making me mistrust castor oil in the process!

For Just A Moment

I started my day the way that I always do…a chocolate I know I shouldn’t have…prayer…and a moment to spend in gratitude!

I had a feeling that my patience would be tested today, so I tried to emphasize the positive energy while praying (because tricking God is how you get ahead)…

As my mind would have it…7:00 on the dot and my calm nature was being called into question, as the irritation began to scratch the very thin surface of my pleasant walls!

If I’m being honest, I brought it upon myself because I attracted the energy by assuming that it would be that way! I ranted for a moment to my partner and then set off onto my next adventure.

It was while taking yet another moment to be introspective and figure out why I was feeling so tense that I received news that one of my beloved clients babies (doggy) had to be put to rest!

These moments always put my momentary lapses of maturity into perspective for me! There I was Creating my own bad energy…whilst a member of a beautiful family was being sent to his proverbial forever home.

He was sick, which means that the heartache was not instant, it was a gradual awareness that would have to lead to acceptance and ultimately loss…

I’ve been so blessed, I truly have, whilst not being a people person at all, I have met the most amazing souls through my work. These people have taught me so many lessons in just a year, and I am eternally grateful.

I’ve learnt lessons of love, sacrifice and family! People who would do and give unconditionally without terms and with no measure. I’ve witnessed their incredible sense of community and have often been fortunate enough to be welcomed into it!

I suppose the point of this was to bring myself back down to earth whilst acknowledging that there is an entire world out there…happening…not just existing…but living…but also dying.

Within death, is an intrinsic part of life, the part that heals, the part that provides closure and if lucky, the part that leaves you with a lesson…

B…you brought meaning to the saying “obliviousness is bliss…”

Except, you weren’t really oblivious! You knew exactly who your mom and dad were, in fact, when presented with a choice, you chose your family! You knew that you shouldn’t be on the couch but you also knew that you were loved enough to get away with it!

You were loved and you were a part of a family that you adored…thank you for your bouncy greetings and your slobbery red ball that was more drool than actual ball…thank you for reminding me that there’s so much to be thankful for and to spend my time being present and pleasant!

Rest In Peace Puppy 💖🐶

You Are What You Eat

There’s one thing in this world that I know better than anything else and that’s food!

I could never have been a chef because I’m a little piggy who would eat up all the orders…I could never be a dietitian because I hate the way that they are required to categorize deliciousness as if it could only ever fit into a box designed to label it…

Instead…I became a champion level eater…

I’m a personal trainer by profession, a lazy bum by choice and a pioneer for wellness over swellness (I just made that word up!)

The saying “you are what you eat”… is so true, however there are two schools of thought that drive this saying into something that could either inspire you or guilt trip you!

If you’ve read anything else I’ve written relating to food, you would know that I’m a major slayer of feeling guilty about what you eat and instead I encourage mindful choices even if that mind is full of choices.

Eating is so closely related to emotions and emotions are the drivers behind physical regression or physical well-being. Now I know some smart person out there is going to tell me how that is factually inaccurate…but they will also tell me that I cannot live on a diet of chocolate all day everyday without getting diabetes…30 years still going strong!!

Don’t get me wrong…I’m not encouraging my sickening lifestyle, what I am however drawing your attention to, is the mental shift that will kickstart your wellness improvement. If we are truly what we eat, then I hope that you had a giant bowl of happiness this morning!

Attaching a mindset and an emotion to the food you eat will often determine how your body processes it or stores it or not! Negative associations will function in the same way that negative energy does…because you’ve attracted it…it’s going to latch onto you like a leech and you are going to spend longer trying to get rid of it than you did enjoying it.

Let’s remember one thing…your body is built to remove foreign things from itself…you are designed perfectly to identify the positive elements in anything you ingest…break it down…remove the good and poop out the bad! The problem arises when you aren’t giving your body enough time to identify and process or…when you simply aren’t fueling it with enough energy to fulfill its functions.

In saying that, I understand how the radicals and the excuse needers (yup, made that word up as well) are going to riot!

Radicals…I am not encouraging binging or living an unhealthy lifestyle! I’m encouraging balance and for people to take the time to identify what their process is and how long each stage takes and how well their bodies work performing each function…

My excuse seeking friends, (don’t worry I’m one of you), let me start by saying that there are no excuses…none…only accountability! If you are going to ignore what your body does internally and pretend that obliviousness is bliss and wonder, then you’ll never identify how to live a life free of calorie counting and unhealthy yo-yo dieting, be it to gain or to lose weight.

Food is here to befriend you…fuel you…guide you and heal you! All food has some sort of function even if that function is to just spike your serotonin levels! If you understand what you are eating and why you are eating it you will be a step closer to understanding why your body needs it or wants it!

Don’t be that person who develops an unhealthy relationship just because you were too lazy to facebook stalk or google…invest enough time into your body functions and then into the food you consume and then into their dynamic once coupled and you’ll be that much closer to enjoying a bowl of health as opposed to a giant buffet of “I hate myself”.

Will I ever master my cravings? Nope! If I’m being honest with myself and you, I don’t want to…because I love food, I love the stuff I crave and I am grateful for its existence! Do I want to be a slave to food? Nope!

Symbiosis is everything…strive for a mutually beneficial relationship with your food and like with everything else, express gratitude, seek knowledge and understanding….and respect your food and you’re body!

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